The journey back to me
I have never been the most “internally” confident person, but over the past few years my negative self talk and body image has been wearing me down. Menopause was the instigator and as my body and emotions changed I was trying to keep hold of who I was and find a way to acknowledge my self-worth. As I contemplated the journey I faced, one friend lead me to the House of Om, whilst another ensured that I signed up (and did not keep putting it off), telling me to take some time for myself.
As a young woman, I thought that I practiced yoga. I went to classes, practised Asanas and then left, taking nothing but an exercised body with me. I believed that my body would always obey me and to be honest I was confident in my body's ability to keep performing.
In those pre-internet times, you needed to research, really research, into anything beyond what can immediately be understood, for example the benefits of Yoga beyond the mat and it’s potential impact on your life. I was not inclined to complete this research (to be honest, I would not have known where to start) and continued to see yoga as exercise. However, as the years have progressed, my yoga practice has become more sporadic, and I have become more lost. I needed a path and guide back to myself
As my journey though this course is coming to an end I would love to write that I have found my self-worth and I am loving my body, however that is simply not true, as I remain a work in progress - I think we all are!
However, my relationship with myself has changed and changed for the better. I feel I have a better understanding of what I need to do to be more grounded and calm, I am concentrating on the things my body can do, rather than the flaws and negativity (though this is still very hard). I have a guide that I can use to empower myself (and others), I just need to ensure that I use it! What is this guide? I hear you ask, I think that is a good question. Here are some of the key points:
Meditation: Thanks to the inspiring workshop from Lena Cole I started to meditate. Just a few moments of calm have had powerful effects on my daily life. They have allowed me to slow the chaos in my mind (I am a definitely the Vikshipta mind) and concentrate on the here and now. Am I doing it everyday? ….errmmm …no! However, this is my current focal point and I keep reminding myself “Location has energy, time has memory” Meditation beyond everything is my biggest takeaway as I can see how this can help me become more accepting of myself and others. Ironically, I have often urged the pupils in my class to practice meditation, but I have never heeded my own words.
Yoga Nidra: I loved leading this part of the training, and one participant related that they felt as if they were floating and were is a state of calm, from my words! This was so powerful! I had never experienced Yoga Nidra before starting this course, and have loved my own personal journey through the Peewee Sanchez sessions and in the workshop with Lena Cole. Yoga Nidra will continue to be part of my weekly practice and is another anchor for my brain.
For me, working with Sankalpa was both challenging and liberating. Creating affirmations, and focusing upon these, is not something I have experience with. At first, I was making them way too long and convoluted. However, as I tried to make them more specific and positively aligned, I started to feel more empowered. This is something I want to keep working on.
Breath work: I have loved experimenting with different breath work and the feelings they invoke. For me, the find was Bhramari Pranayama, this makes me feel calm and happy, it gives me real joy and positive energy. I love starting my day with the breath and will always ensure that is it part of any yoga practice I undertake or teach. My journey now is understanding more about Pranayama, I understand the theory of the energy and life force. However, I would like to take some more time to really concentrate on its effects in practice.
Asanas: I have enjoyed strengthening my body and pushing myself to my limits. However, my real joy has been understanding how Asanas can be used for the greater good, by defining the objective using Chakra, Nadis or Yamas (the elements I like to focus on) to help focus the practice. For example, I created a sequence for a group who were tired and stressed at the end of the academic year. We concentrated on the Anahata Chakra and used Nadi Shodhana to calm our minds. It was great to be able to give this practice to others. As far as my own journey, I still need to master many Asanas, to help open up my body and ultimately my mind. I would also like to experiment further with other practices, for example Lilia Becher really opened my eyes to Himalayan Kriya, it was a powerful experience, that had me in tears and laughing during the session.
I could continue, but I will stop. Now where next, for me?
I need to ensure that my personal practice is regular and includes Meditation, Pranayama (I want to focus on Nadi Shodhana and Bhramari Pranayama) and Asanas everyday
Continue to teach “yoga” focusing on Drishti, remembering “that the breath is part of every cue” and defining objectives every time using one of the yoga elements. I would like to acknowledge the support, care and guidance that I received from Lena Cole on this journey.
Use Sankalpa’s to work on my inner self
Continue to be a learner: be a sponge Cate, be a sponge!
